Before your child is born, as soon as you get pregnant you are visited by a fairy; this fairy sprays some shit in the air, whispers in your ear and poof it’s gone. You wake up confused, not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or maybe you really are going crazy. You get on with life; until one day you forget to take you pregnancy vitamins and you get this feeling in the pit of your stomach- like you’ve just committed a gruesome murder- you don’t know what it is, so you just move on.

Then your tiny poop machine is born, you’re excited, overjoyed and mostly delirious from all the drugs; but no, you cannot sleep, you see your precious bundle of joy must feed after 9months of drinking its own pee and eating its own hair.

You pull out your new, sanitised bottle, fill it with formula (aka the devil’s milk) and proceed to start feeding. The Midwife stands next to you and says, “oh, so you’re not breastfeeding?” And you get that feeling AGAIN! You know, that one you got after you didn’t take your vitamin D,C, Z! You see, that feeling is called Mum guilt, and it never goes away; in fact, it only gets stronger.

I was talking to a friend about her decision to stop working and her exact words were, “I just don’t want my children to miss out.” My first thought were, “did I just commit a murder?” Then I realised, no, that’s just the guilt again. There’s a special kind of guilt though that’s reserved for women who choose work or a career over staying at home and baking bread and wiping noses.

I have nothing against you if you do that, but why is it that when a woman chooses herself, she’s somehow horrible? When I get up at 6:30 in the morning and drag myself out of bed, I do it for my family; but I also do it for myself; and so many people have a problem with that. Women are told; you have a baby, stay at home, and if you can’t stay home then just get a simple job- something easy that won’t take you away from your children and significant other for too long.

When a Father is ambitious we praise him, he’s a man of honour, a man just looking out for his family. When a Mother is ambitious she is to be shunned; you see she is selfish and horrible and her children will probably be neglected and raised by nannies. We tell her that the trade off for society allowing her to do this is the eternal guilt she must now feel, on top of the general guilt all mums are born with.

Even though my husband and I have joint finances and there is no such thing as my money or his money (his money is my money though 😎), having financial freedom and feeling like my accomplishments are mine shouldn’t be something I feel bad for.

I want my son to look at his Mother and see a strong woman, one who loves her family fiercely but also a woman with an identity separate to just ‘Mum.’ I want him to treat Women like they are equals and choose a Wife who he lifts up, supports and encourages to pursue her goals; the way his Father does for me.

2017 I said F you Mum guilt; I took a job that wasn’t a five minute drive from home, I’m getting my MBA and most importantly I’m proud of where I am and where I’m going.

✋ Working Mum guilt in 2017

DARA XOx