If by chance for the last year, your diet had been starting and probably ending every Monday, then the 1st of January was your ultimate Monday (even though it was a Sunday but alas I digress). The beginning of all things new. All your failed attempts at trying to eat less than 100 nuggets per week, to quit smoking, to exercise more, swear less etc, could finally be forgotten! January 1 was D-day. you were ready and nothing was going to stand in your way.

As we made our way home on the 31st of December from our coastal holiday; I sat in the driver’s seat savoring what was truly  the juiciest Wicked Wing from KFC; I could feel the judging glare that belonged to the man of my dreams- My Husband. I finished my chicken (cause ain’t nobody got time for that negativity in their life), and asked him to elaborate on the haterade I could feel emanating from his side of the car. He delivered a knock out blow even greater than the one Nunes fed to Rousey ( if you don’t get this reference, well I feel sorry for you), “you better enjoy that,” he said, ” cause no more fast food in the New Year. We gotta eat healthy and lose weight.” In my heart of hearts, I wanted to pull the car over rip off my clothes and go Hulk on his a*s; not this gotta lose weight in the New Year bullsh*t again. Instead, like the perfection I embody as a wife, I replied without missing a beat, “sure, you’re right. This is definitely the last time.”

Like all good Africans, I spent New Years Eve in Church ( shout-out to all my Africans who went to Church Christmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day. You the real MVPs), and like all good White Husbands, mine was also there. As I innocently sat in my seat listening to what was going on, said White Husband leaned over to inform me he was starving and his stomach was currently eating itself (insert eye roll, don’t even make me start on all the starving kids in Africa mate). Once Church was finished and we had now somehow teleported into 2017 and it was super amazing and the filthy stench that was 2016 was now washed from us, we got in the car. Husband mentions he’s hungry again. I tell him, there’s rice at home. Against all my protesting, this guy drove us to McDonald’s and FORCED me to order a Chicken and Cheese. He’d ruined all New year goals. ON New Years Day, I had already failed. What do you even do when on the 1st day of the year you’ve already failed?

Apparently 58% of New Years Resolutions made by Australians are broken. LESS than HALF of the people who actually bother to make a resolution ACTUALLY do it. GUYYYSSSSS. Come on. Why do we do this to ourselves? I honestly believe in the importance of setting yourself goals and working towards those goals, but when it comes to New Years resolutions I often feel like there’s so much more than just self growth and goal setting at play. I mean, I’m pretty sure if you turn up to the gym on the 16th of October to sign up for the gym they won’t tell you to wait til January 1. Yes, starting in a whole new year brings with it a feeling of newness; that no matter how bad you screwed things up before, this was a new day. Again, you realise that EVERYDAY IS A NEW DAY(honestly, I lost a brain cell even typing that)!

There’s this social pressure though, that if you didn’t pick something you wanted to fix about yourself and start it on the 1st of January, you were inevitably due to fail. Honestly who cares. Ever since I became aware of the fact that society had a problem with my stomach size, I have had a resolution every year that I would lose weight, eat better etc, starting Jan 1. Every year, inevitably I eat something ‘bad’ within the first 2 weeks and give up. This year, I decided nope. No resolution centered around me and my vain desires. Look, if you have a resolution to eat less, lose weight. Great. proud of you. I’m just saying, possibly, maybe, the reason so many people fail is that bettering ourselves starts with something less superficial. Maybe your resolution should be, this year I’m gonna try not to roll my eyes every-time Wendy at work opens her mouth?

Maybe we should all resolve to start liking ourselves as we are; and at the risk of sounding like a one man feminist band, accepting that if we fail, we just keep trying, again and again and again and again.

Dara

XOx